Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
