the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you win again, gameday.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
