omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
