i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
