So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
