I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
