I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
