I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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