Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
