What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
