i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
