just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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