i wish there were pregnant emoticons
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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