I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
