Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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