today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't turn off my feet"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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