Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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