Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
