the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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