I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize