We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
