Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
