I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize