Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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