Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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