It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
