i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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