my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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