go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
