To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
