I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
