Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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