I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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