I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
