I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
