I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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