He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize