dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
