I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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