Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
