did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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