My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
