Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
