We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
