I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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