You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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