When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
