the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
