I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
