Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
