It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
