I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
