That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
