guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
where are my eyebrows?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
