Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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