i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
