Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
