Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
