Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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