OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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