Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
