you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
