I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
