If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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