Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
