whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
