Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
