Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
thus making me awesome and them whores
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
