I am in a vortex of obligation.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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