When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
