dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
