Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
