So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
