Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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