I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
