It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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