I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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