woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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