i barfeds in our rink
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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