i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
