If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
