last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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