don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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