On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
