Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this will be a night to untag.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize