I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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