I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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