Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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