you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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