we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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