my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize