hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
