once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
