Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
