Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
