I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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