Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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