I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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